Thinkin', Bitchin' & Nursin'

Yes, that’s right.  Knees and ankles are very much needed.  They are not an extravagant want, and they are not a silly, frivolous trinket.  They are NECESSARY!!  And I’m trying to save mine!

You see, I have degenerative arthritis in my right knee and have had it since my early 20s.  I have had three arthroscopic surgeries on it, two that entailed simply clearing out the debris from damaged cartilage, and one that entailed drilling into the bones to create cartilage that no longer exists.  I am now at the point where my orthopedic surgeon refuses to open me up any longer.  He says that this will create too much of a chance of a bone infection.  My knee is bone on bone, and deformed, and it aches most of the time.  Sometimes it swells up to the size of a small watermelon, screaming in pain — NO EXAGGERATION!

Now, my right ankle is yet another story.  My right ankle was x-rayed by my foot doctor when he was trying to figure out what type of brace I might need.  It turns out that I need an ankle fusion.  My left ankle isn’t much prettier.  According to this foot doctor, I have, what he calls, “funky, fucked up ankles!”  Yes!  He actually SAID that!

Notice the way they turn inward?  (Don’t pay any attention to my MANfeet.)

Well, with the right knee teetering on the edge of “I can make it one more day” and “I need a knee replacement now,” and the right ankle teetering on the edge of “perhaps more aspirin and Bengay can get me through the day” and “I need my ankle fused today,” I am a walking time bomb!  I cannot exercise because nothing that I do helps my right side.  It only aggravates what is already going on.  I could do water aerobics, which is fun, but I don’t feel like allowing anyone to see me in a bathing suit right now, even though, except for age, everyone pretty much is in the same boat…

Seriously, I guess it’s not so bad, but I just haven’t had the gumption to pick myself up to go do it for fear of hurting myself further…yes, my body is that bad!

Soooooo…being that I’m going to be 48 years old, and being that I have weighed over 260 lbs. since my second son was born in 1987, and being that it is getting harder and harder to do my job that I just obtained my degree and license for in 2010 (I am a Registered Nurse)…I guess it is time to start taking better care of myself.  Of course, I’ve said this before.  But the pain I am in on a daily basis requires me to drop some of this tonnage!  Seriously, if you have a bad knee, or a bad ankle, or anything below the waist isn’t working for you, dropping weight is the best thing for you.  I can wholeheartedly say to that to a patient and believe it.  I can say it to myself and believe it.  But what I can’t ever seem to do is follow through with my own advice!

I’ve been reading Skinnygirl written by Bethenny Frankel.  She has some good pointers that have made me more aware of what I put in my mouth over the past 48 hours.  I am going to try to keep eating the way she suggests, which is consciously, not unconsciously.  By that, I simply mean that I will refrain from doing other things while I’m eating so I am more aware of what I’m eating and why.  This is supposed to be the way anyone who is skinny gets away with eating whatever they want whenever they want.  No more dieting.  I’ve dieted for 40 years.  That is NO LIE!  My mom put me on Weight Watchers when I was just barely 8 years old!  Dieting has gotten me nowhere.  I have lost and gained the same weight for this long…do you know what that does to your HEART?  Ugh!  I can only pray I don’t have a heart attack before I get to actually be thin.

I have a long way to go and a lot of weight to lose.  But it seems that it should be common sense that if you have a table, say, and that table has a leg that is not so steady…you will NOT be placing heavy boxes on top of that table!  You will protect the leg and only place light objects on it.  Right?  So it’s time to take the heaviness off my bum knee and ankle.  Enough is enough.

That’s right.

Enough is enough.

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